Month 3: The Fruit of Gentleness
The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23
Once in a while we meet a gentle person.
Gentleness is a virtue hard to find in a society that admires toughness and roughness…
Gentle is the one who does ‘not break the crushed reed, or snuff the faltering wick.’
Gentle is the one who is attentive to the strengths and weaknesses of the other
and enjoys being together more than accomplishing something.
A gentle person treads lightly, listens carefully, looks tenderly, and touches with reverence.
A gentle person knows that true growth requires nurture, not force. Let’s dress ourselves with gentleness.–Henri Nouwen
INTRODUCTION
Scripture talks about gentleness as one of God’s character traits and part of the fruit of the Spirit. For this month we will look at the fruit of gentleness.
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Description text goes hereSome of you might choose to do it all in one sitting. Some of you may do one section per day. Some of you might work through it multiple times. We truly want this to work FOR you! Our prayer is that you’ll feel a sense of joy that comes from spending time in communion with God and then with others as you live out the “practices” you’ll be invited to each week. If your participation ever feels burdensome, then take a break! The Neuma Project exists to assist in your discipleship - both individually and communally with others at FPC, and in your neighborhoods. It doesn’t exist to guilt you into time spent in the word and community. (though if you need a little push, we’re fine to allow this to do that)
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Our vision is that this will be something your family can do together. We will always include a “Neuma Kids” section that you can do with your littles.
We also believe teenage kids can participate in all of the content as well as adults, bringing their own insights and questions. HOWEVER, we are well aware teens + parents + faith conversations can be tricky. For this reason, during Act II on Sunday mornings teens will have the chance to engage this content with each other and their leaders. If all you are able to ‘accomplish’ is a check-in with them on Sunday afternoons, consider it a win! If you are able to sit down and go through the materials together, then you deserve an award and come teach us your ways :)
Start By Stopping
(If you aren’t in a place where you can do that, set a reminder to come back. But please don’t try to cram this in while getting kids ready for school, or replying to emails, or watching Netflix)Don’t talk, don’t move, don’t do anything except breathe. Look around, listen, smell… and be still until it’s uncomfortable. Say a prayer- no agenda, just whatever you want to say directed toward God. If praying isn’t something you do often- give it a shot. Just talk/think/share. In fact, we encourage you to pray aloud! It might feel odd at first, but again, there’s no pressure to do it “correctly.” Just fill God in on your heart & enjoy the quiet.
Betsy Wynne
Storytelling
When I think of gentleness, in terms of being a fruit of the Spirit, I define it as the ‘restraint of power.” Choosing to restrain our desire to exhibit power for gain, and instead put it to use in meekness.
I am blessed to see this come to life almost every day through our Deacons and Stephen Ministers here at First Pres. I’d love to share a couple stories that show just how powerful restraining our power in gentleness can be.
One of the care ministries working a bit behind the scenes in our community is Stephen Ministry. This ministry works by matching a trained Stephen Minister with someone we come to know is in need of care, in any number of ways. In several cases we matched a Stephen Ministry with somebody who has significant need - a serious injury, dementia, chronic illness, etc. These ministers are often extremely gifted people in their profession or educational field, but when they go and meet the care receivers, they do so as gentleness embodied. They meet the care receivers on their terms, leaving behind any pretense of power instead choosing to offer a small portion of who they are and what they have, but it so often turns out to be just what the care receiver needed.
An interesting reality is we’ve had at least three Stephen Ministers who were all in law enforcement in recent years. It was impressive to hear the stories of how these folks who are used to being seen as authoritative put that aside to gently care for those in need. One such guy would meet with his care receiver and would mostly do art projects together. They wouldn’t talk much or wrestle with deep spiritual realities, but they did build relationship and trust in the gentlest of manners. They regularly proved that the fruit of gentleness was in some ways the antidote to the stereotype of how law enforcement is often perceived.
I am also reminded of the gentleness shown by group of women, two deacons and one a Stephen Minister, who invested in the life of a woman who lived at the Carlyle (a downtown building that houses low-income residents). All of these women are highly respected in their lives and professions, with years of experience as teachers and physicians. Their relationship with the care receiver began years ago, but they’ve kept in touch and have grown to see themselves as a team committed to caring for this person through all of the ups and downs of life.
The woman recently celebrated her birthday, complete with a birthday party thrown by her team of gentle, caring women from FPC. Though currently bedridden, she was so happy they were there! She was stuck in bed, moved slowly, could barely keep up with all the excitement in the room. I had to opportunity to watch this team of women bring cake and presents and surround her with such love and care. Gentleness, not power. It was just awesome.
Listening and praying - it’s about all we do. It often doesn’t look like much, but we’ve learned it means everything.
Physicians who are not ‘fixing’ anything but instead choose to listen with wide a wide open ear. Teachers who don’t feel the need to teach, but to learn from the stories and lives of those in their care. Law enforcement folks who are used to presenting authority and strength, choosing to put those expectations aside to stand side by side in meekness with those in need of companionship and care.
RESPONDING TO SCRIPTURE
Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. Matthew 5:5
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Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Proverbs 4:5
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Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Colossians 3:12
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Remind the people to be subject to rulers and authorities, to be obedient, to be ready to do whatever is good, to slander no one, to be peaceable and considerate, and always to be gentle toward everyone. Titus 3:12
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As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Ephesians 4:1-2
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A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1-2
Settle in and get quiet. Take a few deep breaths. Ask the Spirit to illuminate the scriptures for you.
After you’ve slowed yourself down with silence and breath, read the batch of above scriptures again.
Then slowly work through the prompts below.
Use your neuma journal to write down what comes to your heart and mind.
In this scripture study, we will focus on gentleness - both as an attribute of who God is and the gift of the Spirit available to each of us.
Paul says in Philippians 4:5 that a key to finding gentleness is believing that God is near. However, just like Jesus' disciples, we easily forget he is with us and waiting to help us. What are some things that prevent you from not only knowing but also believing that God is near?
Read 1 Peter 3:14-16. You can use your own Bible or find it HERE
Why do you think gentleness and respect are paired together in this passage?
Think of a time you have spoken to someone in gentleness. Or a time someone responded to you with gentleness. What sort of reaction does speaking with gentleness bring from others?
What is it about gentleness that shows God’s Spirit and character?
Peter says that speaking with gentleness will cause others to respect you and not speak out against you. Have you found that to be true in your life? How, or how not?
Peter calls those who follow Jesus to respond to suffering, to those who speak maliciously against you, and to slander with gentleness and respect. What a counter-cultural way to live! Beautiful, right?!
Be as honest as you can - why is it so difficult to truly live our lives in ways that are obviously better?!
Is there a practical relationship or situation that pops up in your life where you can practice gentleness? Where you can practice restraining power in order to demonstrate gentleness as a fruit of the Spirit’s work in your life?
Neuma Kids
PRACTICE: GENTLENESS
Each month during The Neuma Project you will be invited to try an experiment. Some of the experiments will be really simple, while others will stretch you out of your comfort zone. Just like an experiment at school, we want you to try them all. There’s no judgment if it doesn’t work, and since we’re all learning together, no one is an expert!
This month’s practice is adapted from the book
Try Softer by Aundi Kolber.
“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10 The phrase “be still” comes from the Hebrew word raphah which means to “slacken” or to “sink to relax.” Imagine your self sinking into a relaxed state and take a few deep breaths. Imagine “slackening” your grip on control. Now say Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
In a journal, note those areas of your life where you are pushing harder even though you know you can’t control them. The places in your life where you are tempted to white-knuckle it or take responsibility for things outside your control. Notice how your body feels as you think about theses areas. Do not judge it, just notice it.
Repeat the Serenity Prayer. Imagine yourself surrendering these areas into God’s care. If it helps, open up your hands and imagine physically letting go of these things and placing them into God’s hands. Notice how your body feels as you imagine releasing things to God.
Now, identify an area of your life where you do have some control and where you are invested. Consider if there are ways you can “try softer” in these areas…are there ways you can be kinder, gentler with your expectations of yourself. Write down what comes to mind.
Repeat the Serenity Prayer. Focus on praying for wisdom and courage in the areas you can control. Write down what God brings to mind.
Kolber talks about surrender in terms of “feeling safe enough to release our grip.” She emphasizes surrender as a free choice: Surrender--when done voluntarily, not from coercion--is a way to be gentle with ourselves, recognizing that trying to control everything can wear us out rather than lift us up. When we give ourselves permission to try softer in this way…we move toward “integration, wholeness, and peace...and grow in our resiliency.” In doing so, we can find and embrace the abundant life to which Jesus calls us. Do you find surrendering easy or challenging? In what ways?
Repeat the Serenity Prayer one last time.
SMALL GROUP DISCUSSION
Make sure everyone has a chance to share their name and what was the oddest moment from your 2024 holiday season?
Which fruit of “love” (God, self, neighbor, enemy) was the most challenging? Which one came the most naturally?
One of the most consistent pieces of feedback we’ve heard so far re: the Neuma Project is that it has caused folks to re-think how they see each of the Fruits of the Spirit. Do you have any new insights or wonderings into how self-control or patience or love is a fruit (product) of your faith?
So far you’ve been invited to participate in some active ‘experiments’ aimed at helping us engage your neighborhood & neighbors (listed below).
IF you have participated, pick one or two to share about.
IF you haven’t - that’s ok! Share why it hasn’t made sense for you to engage in those so far.
Notice and engage with every person you come into contact with while on a walk, walking through a store, etc
Brainstorm ways to be good news to a neighbor and actually follow through with it
8 practical ways to love an enemy
Practice patience through a breath prayer
5 options to choose self-control
What’s next for your Neuma Group? Let the holidays happen and get back together next Gathering Sunday (January 12)? Sit with each other at Christmas Eve service? Have a white elephant gift exchange?
Songs for Reflection
Please use these songs to supplement your time this week. Listen as you pray or as you drive to work. Listen as you respond to the reflection prompts or as you do homework. Listen as you get ready for bed at night or don’t listen at all!